In need of refreshing...

I feel I've finally reached a place where I need to step back from things and take a break, or I'm going to burn-out big time. I've been spinning and spinning and knitting and knitting and I just really need to stop for a while.

I'm beginning to think that God is sending me a message. I've become so fiber-obsessed that I'm not doing anything else or going anywhere else that isn't already a part of my daily routine. Two months have passed since the beginning of this year, when I first started writing this blog, and virtually nothing in my life that I want to change has changed.

I started to hit some hard emotions on Sunday, when we went to 'try out' a different church. The people were nice and the sermon was really good, but I felt like crying the entire service, which at the time I attributed to my being right smack in the middle of my monthly. My sweetheart of a husband is a wonderful man, and though he's not all that vocal about it, I think he loves God- he's the kind of guy that doesn't really strike you as a Christian, but then he pulls off some incredibly selfless act of loving-kindness and gives of himself 110%.

However he gets uncomfortable at our usual church because the people there are extremely friendly and they like to come up and talk to him and invite him to home-groups during the week and such- which he's made it quite clear he doesn't want to do. So, a few weeks back when I had to work a Sunday morning for his sister, he ended up going to church with his mom, and afterwards, told me he really liked it and thought it would be good if I came and gave it a try. So, this Sunday we all went, and like I said, the sermon was good and the people were friendly, but I just really wanted to cry the whole time.

Then yesterday, after dropping Paige off at preschool, I was driving down the road and felt like God was showing me that the reason I want to stay at the Vineyard (our usual church) is because all the people there are really on fire for God. They're passionately in love with him. Which is the kind of Christian I want to be. I felt like God was telling me that the problem I've been having, the wrong feeling I've been having about my life, is because even though I love God, I'm not in love with him, I'm not passionately on fire for God, and it's throwing my entire life out of balance. Right now, even though I love my friends and my family and I'm thankful for all of the blessings in my life, I'm not really enjoying any of it because I'm not spending enough time with God. I've let my relationship with him be pushed to the backburner, by things which are totally unimportant, and I'm not loving anything or anyone the way I ought to right now because I'm not connected to the very source of love- God Himself.



So this morning I felt like God was impressing on me, that what I really need to do, is to fast for a while, and spend the majority of my free-time in His word, while I regain my focus and the balance in my life.

I know it's good for me to have a hobby, and I know that God wants me to have things that I enjoy doing in my life. He's the one who put that love and creative energy in me in the first place. I'm sure it wont be that long till I'm spinning again, but I until I get some balance back and my peace about it has been restored, I'm going to pack up my wheel and take a break. I've a few socks on the needles, that I'm sure I'll finish over the next week or two, but the rest can of it can wait... for me... for a change.